February Newsletter
MESSAGE
This is more of a heartfelt revelation than an outright vision, although the revelation came from a myriad of small visions. I may lose some if not all of my newsletter audience, but it seems my role in this life is to lay my life bare so others can learn from my errors and follies.
This has been quite a month for me. I have reached the end of a 3-year period of agonizing pain and sickness. It has been the worst 3-year period of my life…and yet, some amazing things happened.
I did not know at the time, but this last three years of mind-numbing pain has been the culmination of 6,000 years of generational sin in my family line. It ended with a 3-year period of sickness that has driven me to the brink of giving up. But what it really did was break me down so much that I was brought to another crossroads in my life where I was again given the choice of life or death.
Born premature, I discovered, caused my diaphragm valve to not develop properly before my parents started putting food into my stomach. This caused a displacement of my stomach which ended up above my diaphragm instead of below. This last while witnessed my stomach crushing off ½ of 1 lung offering a myriad of distressing conditions. I was on a large quantity of medications just to make it through the day, unfortunately.
I have put on 120 lbs, most of them in the last few years, from self-medicating with food to keep the massive reflux down. I have allowed anger to reign in my body as frustration overcame me. However, the Lord began dealing with me on these things before surgery. High blood pressure was taking its toll until I was finally faced with the choice of dealing with it or cancelling my stomach surgery. I chose to deal with it. I cast out thousands of spirits of anger and my blood pressure dropped 12 points in 10 minutes.
But the Lord showed me that unless I cut down the root of this anger in my generational line, the anger would be there as before. Through vision, I was able to see the root of the anger. I come from a family of slaves on my father's side and poverty reigned in the generations of both father and mother. The root of the anger was impotent rage. I was shown that my family line was angry but unable to ever act on their anger. I cut the root, cast out the rest of the hanger-on demons and my blood pressure returned to 112/68 in less than 3 days.
One root down, how many left to go?
It has been a difficult time. Many thought I have not healed because of lack of faith, but I applaud God for keeping me during this time. My condition should have turned cancerous many years ago, but the Lord's hand kept the tissue pink and healthy for 55 years. But I have known for a year that I would have to go through surgery for this problem and it would not be healed. I did not know why until I awoke.
I had stomach surgery February 1. They put my stomach back where it belonged and fixed the diaphragm flap. The surgery took longer than expected because of complications, 2 hours and 10 minutes. I awoke and felt fine; sore but decidedly fine. The doctor came to see me and told me that although the surgery went well, my liver was enlarged and I had 2 years to live. As he spoke those words I knew that the only way they could have found this out was to visually go in and see the problem. It had not shown up on any tests.
I found myself at a crossroads. Before the doctor had even left, the Lord was dealing with me about the generational issues in my life as well as my own cooperation with the devil in this matter. I have been at so many of crossroads throughout my life. But the Lord assured me He would deliver me from all the enemy's hidden intentions if I stopped cooperating with the enemy and began to cooperate with Him.
It was a very sobering time. If the news were not enough, the word that kept coming to me was “convenient servitude.” It was the word the Lord chose to use to sum up my life.
I lay awake for hours contemplating those words and knew in my heart they were true. The next morning I was sent home, healing in record time. As I continued to think about those words, the visions came.
It would be so easy to continue on the way I was going with the full knowledge that in 2 years I would go to heaven to be with my Maker. No more tears. No more labor. No more fighting. No more financial struggles. My salvation is assured and I have no doubts that I would be going to heaven. However, I would be going there as a failure for I have not completed the things the Lord would have me do. Was that really the way to go?
The Lord has shown me repeatedly that we start out with Him before we are born. We know each other. But for some reason, we forget after we are born. We have up to 122 years (oldest recorded living person) away from God in a world that is designed by Lucifer to keep us away from the Lord at all costs. We work. We play. We cry. We are separated from the Lord. Then, we go back to God for judgment and whether we go to heaven or hell, we are aware for all eternity once again that there is a God.
He reminded me that although I was aware of the Lord, the pain and sickness of these last 3 years has taken me to heights of not caring about Him or not noticing Him. I have been caught in an inner war between two sides and it is as if this last 3 years has been a whirlwind of emotional, spiritual and physical alters. As the physical attacks kept bombarding me night and day, I reached new lows I hadn't felt in years. But this period of turmoil had come to an abrupt end. Something had finally broken over my life. I felt at peace for the first time in 3 years.
I sat in my bed contemplating the words the Lord chose to sum up my life.
Then He asked me about all the things I have gathered around me. It isn't much compared to a lot of people. I have no house. What furniture I have is inexpensive. I have lost everything more times than I can count. But I looked around my bedroom and realized that all the stuff I had gathered had nothing at all to do with God, God's call on my life, God's will for my life, etc. In fact, everything I had, if I did indeed die in two years, would be thrown out by my friend because not only is my stuff below her taste, but she has no room for it. The stuff I collected would mean nothing to her. I have no family to leave anything to, and would they want it if I did?
I had spent my life collecting things that mean absolutely nothing. If I was to die, they are worthless not only to those left behind but suddenly they would be worthless to me. And even if I was to live to see New Jerusalem descend, everything in this world will be cast into the Lake of Fire and be destroyed. Once again, everything I had spent my life collecting or replacing means nothing. It is worthless.
So, if my life to this point sums up to nothing, what is it I am to do? What does mean something?
Convenient servitude. It means that I have served the Lord when it was convenient to me or in a way that was convenient to me. It means that I have served the Lord as long as it meant that I could remain in my comfort zone. It means that I have never developed a servant relationship with the Lord.
Then He showed me another vision of what He does all day. His comfort zone existed before anything was created. There were no demands on His life. There were no responsibilities. There was peace. Millions of people weren't crying to Him to do something for them. But knowing full well what it meant to Him, the Lord created angels and mankind that He would have to intimately look after for the rest of His life.
He created us knowing He would be committing to an eternity of servitude regardless of what it cost Him. It is a ceaseless, thankless job that goes on forever. He chose to step out of His comfort zone and commit Himself to a life of servitude. It boggles my mind that the God of all creation chose to be a servant to that which He created.
The Holy Spirit spends His time comforting, teaching and healing everyone who lets Him. He woos the hearts of the fallen, calling to all who might be saved.
Jesus spends His time looking after His bride. He looks after everything she/we needs. He protects her, nurtures her, embraces her. He woos us into a deeper relationship.
The Father spends His time looking after all of creation, but He keeps a special eye on His children. He looks after their every moment of upbringing from fallen child to son of God. He orchestrates every moment making sure that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
And yet, here I am, unwilling to get out of my comfort zone long enough to serve Him by serving others. I was shamed. And I found myself at a crossroads. I could continue on and die or I could change my ways and live. Although this is not my first choice of existence, I chose to change my ways and live. Not because of life, for living is hard, and not because of a fear of death because there is no fear, but because I choose obedience regardless of the cost.
The Lord showed me in this week of recuperation all the times He intervened to save my life. I had forgotten so much of it, but He brought it back to my memory. Besides the medical interventions (cancer twice, rheumatoid arthritis, diabetes – all healed), I have been run off the road by 2 Greyhound buses and 3 trucks (1 time on a motorcycle). I have been almost run down by a van who ran the stop sign at the bottom of the hill (again I was on motorcycle), and almost every time I drove through the mountains or coastal roads (as late as only five years ago) my brakes on my vehicle failed. I have driven off the road 3 times due to black ice, once on a mountain overlooking a cliff. I have had 2 men come after me with guns and several come after me with knives. I have been physically beaten by 2 groups of people. Add to that the number of times I have had severe food poisoning and medication overdoses. There has been very many real attempts against my life by Lucifer and each time the Lord has intervened so that I would live.
This news of an enlarged liver was just one more attempt that had been kept very hidden. It is one more opportunity for the Lord to intervene to save my life. But this time, it must be with my cooperation and active participation. I must do the things I know to do.
But what does this entail?
Firstly, I must find the root of this medical curse that has been in my family. It does no good just casting out demons who are directly the cause if one does not dig out the root. I must find the generational root of every problem in my life, including financial, and cut it down. I know others are delivered or healed right away, but it has always been that I must learn the mechanics of these things. I must not settle for the thin veneer of deliverance but dig deeper to cut down all the generational roots.
Secondly, I must give myself time to heal. Once again, to deal with the demons that cause the problem is not enough. I have never laid much store in healing, but I must give myself time to heal emotionally and physically, allowing the Holy Spirit to do a deep work in my spirit. It is the Lord's deepest desire that all would be healed. He has healing in His wings. The leaves of healing on the tree of life are forever. He heals all who come and accept His intervention. Yet, I have ignored this aspect of the Lord, concentrating on healing by deliverance alone which leaves no door open for emotional or spiritual healing.
Thirdly, I must develop a servitude relationship with the Lord, the supreme servant. If I do not develop a relationship with the Lord as one servant with another, then I deny a major part of His character. I cannot choose what part of Him I want to have a relationship with. I must accept all of Him. When I develop that relationship, then we can begin to co-labor together, side by side, hand in hand. We can begin to work as one with the same passions and cares. But to accept the servitude side of the Lord means that I have to become a servant as well.
Yes, He is the God of the universe and everything in it, but He is the servant of all who even looks after the smallest sparrow. He is the greatest servant of all, and that is the side I have ignored. I do not like servitude much.
Fourthly, I must simplify my life. I must throw out all that distracts from my relationship with the Lord, all the things I have tried to do myself. I must empty my shelves of my attempts of looking after myself and simplify my life. It has been difficult trying to support myself being disabled, and I have tried to find something I could do. But now it is time to trust the Lord for all my financial needs. This is hard for me because times are hard. However, if I can trust Him because of His track record already revealed in my life already, then I can trust Him for my future.
I am heading in a new direction in my life. The madness of this world has stopped. My mind is clearer than it has been in years. I will be walking with a new relationship with the Lord. I have no idea where this will take me but I know that it is the only path I can take. It will take time, but it is what is required at this hour. I must repent for my life and the choices I have made that have taken me away from the Lord. I must repent for the things I have let in the way, not the least of all being the busyness of life. And most of all, I must take time to heal, letting the Lord do a deep inner healing to my very core.
Father God, forgive me for being separated from You. Jesus, forgive me for being separated from You. Holy Spirit, forgive me for being separated from You. I have not entered into the relationship any of You wanted and asked for. I have tried to enter in my way instead of listening to Your needs and desires and entering in Your way. Forgive me. I don't ever again want to be in a situation where I am separated from the One who loves me unconditionally with a love that is incomprehensible. I don't ever want to be separated from You in any way again. Lord, my heart cries out for that deeper walk with You, that eternal walk with You. Take my hand. Let us walk in the cool of the morning every morning. Let my heart flutter when my eye catches Your eye. Let my love soar to the heights of the Throne as I learn more about You – there is an eternity of learning just who You are. You have so many facets, so many mysteries. You are the diamond of my heart and the love of my life. Forgive me for letting the busyness Lucifer has manufactured to get in the way of our honeymoon. Let me rejoice and my heart sing forth, for I am in the arms of my bridegroom and He will look after me. Father, tear away everything that is not of You or from You. Lord, let nothing stand between us. Holy Spirit, rise up within me and teach me the depths of who You are. Fill me with passion and longing. Let it resonate in my heart. Let it demand time with You so that this relationship building time overrides all other distractions.
Lord, I was with You before I was born. But now, You have given me the adventure of discovering everything about You. Let me know every secret of Your heart. Share with me Your desires, passions, longings and dreams. Share with me Your heart and Your mind. Share with me Your life in every aspect that takes. Share with me You – all of You, not just the parts I want. Fill me with the awesomeness of who You are. Overflow me with Your love and joy. Raise me up in Your likeness for I embrace You with all my love. If I am holding anything back, I repent before You, my Love, and I cast it down. I am Your's and Your desire is towards me always. Shower me with Your love. Let me feel the passion of Your kisses on my cheeks. Let the tears of our joy overflow our love until I can contain it no longer. Fill me. Hold me. And fill me again.
And then, my Love, let me go out and share it with others who You also love.
Lord, bless all those who You love with freedom. Whisper their liberty in their ears. Woo them with deliverance and healing. Hold them fast in Your arms and never let them go. Bring them to deeper levels with You. Take them into the Bridal Chamber and let them know Your love. Lord Jesus, raise up Your Bride. Wash away their tears and anoint them with the oil of Your love. Cover them with Your cloak until the morning. Take their hands and walk in the cool of the morning with them on the path of relationship, the ancient path of life, love and relationship – the purpose of our existence.
God, free your people. Deliver them from the bondage of this world and Lucifer's devices. Raise them up and cover them with the healing of Your wings. Raise them up to the place You have created them for. Lord, heal Your people. Fill Your people. Bring them all into total relationship with You.
In Jesus' most blessed and holy name, amen.
God bless you all and I pray that the Lord anoint you abundantly with the revelation of His love.
Jessica Jones
